heart break for six seasons *

..please dont hurt me again.

2005-04-22T00:54:31Z

wow so havn't updated in forever, or what feels like forever. im so truely sorry. so for the past 2 weeks i havnt had internet at home, and i've been busy with other things and getting my hopes up on what i thought was the best thing that could ever happen to ME...........
so he* really hurt me, and i can't really get him out of my head, as hard as i can try i stil end up thinking about him, hes like a fucking disease.. well yeah, so he kinda tore me up in a thousand peices, i swear everything was so perfect, i knew it was too perfect- i knew something was wrong tho.. and i was right ..it was just wayy tooo good to be true. i almost had him, but i guess that doesn't cut it.. yeah i miss talking to him ..late night convos till 4 am <3.. oh well gotta move on right? well im trying.. so far so good.

so yeah anyways... there isn't very much to say. omgsh ..last night i was jumping around my house cause i was really really happy, and i jumped onto a tac and it went right into my heel, like the whole thing was in there ..it hurt soo effing bad, i was almost in tears, and today i couldn't walk on my heel at all, so i was limping, and i almost fell down the stairs at school.. but oh well its doing better still hurts tho.
right so me and olivia decided that i can't eat hot dogs or Mcflurrys and she can't eat spaghetti because whenever we eat anyof those things we make a large mess on our clothing and face! but its all fun, we still eat it and get all dirty. meh oh well..

yeah so no school tomorrow.. score. olivia is coming over and we are going to have lotsa fun, i cant handle her we just have way to much damn fun!! she came over tonight after school, and we went up to 7-11, met up with kevin then sandra came too then we walked over to Herman and watched the girls soccer game!! wo0t go st joes!!! St.Joes 3? and Herman 0? we kick ass. then on saturday i think me and olivia are going to jennys.. SWEET SIXTEEN!!! i love jenny, i miss her tons. and on sunday im hanging out with fajer * aw cute. * we are going to watch Exorcist: The Beginnings, so scared for that!!.. but yeah anywhoo.....

im out.
love you bitches.

-- and i know, i won't cry tonight cause somebodys out there waiting for me <3

jinx*

2005-03-20T22:00:21Z

your only a r a i n b o w a w a y and i'm sitting here soaking wet, waiting for you, your only a r a i n b o w, just a r a i n b o w a w a y and i'm reaching out hoping that you see it too,

but i'm telling you, that i'm no fool, cause i know what r a i n b o w s do,

they fade a w a y, fade a w a y, stormy days, found its way and i wish i could hold you now.

i am only a r a i n b o w a w a y, my friend and if you could see what others see, you wouldn't feel so bad,

and i'm telling you cause i've been there too, that storms are like r a i n b o w s too,

they fade a w a y, fade a w a y, stormy days, drift a w a y, and may someone be holding you now.

i wanted to be something that would make you want me.

2005-03-16T21:41:50Z

hey all. yay for march break! so its been fun so far.. friday ..olivia went to my dads w/me and we watched Anchorman * im in a glass case full of emotion! * and fell asleep.. then at around 8 we went for a walk, that was interesting... so on our walk we went to kevins house so he could walk with us.. then we went to adstoll for brians hockey game but me and olivia left after 15 minutes cause we are cool! saturday/sunday = lazy days w/fajer and i played rainbow six 3 all day cause i kick ass at that game, then sunday at around 6 30-7 ish i went to olivias with sandra and we re-arranged olivias room..ahah then we watched The Incredibles.. * that was sooo wicked! * ... my first day of march break was pretty gay, i cleaned but yesterday made up for it.. cause i went to olivias lol and we had uuuuuber amounts of fun ... we took over 91 pics.. arent we cool!! ..i've decided guys are effin gay, i hate guys!!! --

->> guys = tears. [ right kevin? (he hates girls!!) ]

im done here.. much love. xx chantalle

i can't stop thinking about it. <3<3

i feel like some kinda shadow..

2005-03-03T01:25:27Z

ugh so im trying to decide what i want to take in grade 11.. its not the easiest desicion to make, cause now im picking courses that have to do with the rest of my life kinda, and that makes it more difficult but the good thing is my parents arent forcing me into anything so thats good.. i really want to work with kids, day care worker or jk-sk teacher, i dont even care about money or anything.. working with kids is what makes me happy..whoa that was corny haha.. but these are the courses i have so far...

[U = university and C= college..for those who dont know]

Religion
U English
C Math
Parenting
Leadership
Science
Hospitality[maybe]

i have 7 outta 10 courses picked and have no clue what else to take.. i think i might take U/C Law or a Sociology class and alternates = law or leadership & peer suppor and also a business class.. grr so much thinking involved in this.

errm i dont even know- so yeah im sick, it sucks.. schools been good.. im getting my hair done on saturday soooooo excited..im getting black, blonde and red streaks or hi-lights, whatever you wanna call em and im getting my hair thinned =D.. but yeah im feeling very yukky so im going to go ..ill update soon.

<3 to the max.

coldheart_89 @ 2005-02-22T18:28:00

2005-02-22T23:33:37Z

..so making a new layout, well trying.. not very satisfied, anyone wanna help!? please comment =^)

<3 chantalle.

i just want it to be like it was before

2005-02-18T03:00:04Z

hmm i've been so super busy with school and such.. so there isnt much to update on.. so heres a breif update...

+ movies
hide and seek* with olivia, katie, ashley, sarah, kevin, heather, chelsea and aaron.. that was fun- it was a scary movie!!
boogeyman* with olivia, alex and connor.. that was fun.. felt bad for connor because i was like screaming in his ear, i was very scared!
+ been hanging out with everyone
-/+ got report card
+ finally second semester
- big family fights
+++ no more late fees at blockbusters!!
- nothings happening.
- math test tomorrow
+ pics with olivia

hmm what else... nothing really so theres my breif update, i shall do better someother time but i have to go prep. for math test * ugh.

later loves <3

...

2005-01-31T01:23:39Z

alright so.. my mom has this friend.. she was so nice, she doesnt deserve anything that is happening to her. last saturday she had a heart attack, then she got rushed to the states and while in the tunnel she went into cartiact arrest. things kept getting worse, and now they have to pull the plug so i think she is going to pass away tonight. she was soo nice, she wanted to adopt me.. me and my sister were her angels. this is all so unfaire.
...then tonight we found out that our old neighbour is dying as well. except he has cancer and has tumours all over, he goes to kemo-therapy every week or something. this is all so sudden, i think my mom is going to break down, because all this has happend over a week, my mom is being so strong, but i really think she just wants to break down. but yeah, im going to go now.

all the things we talk about, you know they stay on my mind

2005-01-30T02:09:17Z

wow so i am overly bored here..

      * all today i've been either on msn, or watching movies.. its pretty queer but oh well its fun i guess.. im about to go watch Napoleon in a hour or so.. so that should be fun..
      * last night me, olivia, sandra, katie, ashley, sarah, heather and kevin all went to see Hide & Seek- woow so scary, i thought i was going to piss myself.. haha i didnt just so you know.. and poor olivia was crunched up in her chair, very funny.. but yeah that movie is hella scary.

      * so exams have been fine, had my french one on thursday then went and hung out with olivia, tim, adam and rob.. that was uhm fun i guess.. then went back to olivias and took some more wonderful pictures..
      * i think im making a hair appointment for wednesday to. . . well get my hair done, im excited       =^ )

but anyways.. im out - peace.
      ps*   in exactly 5 months imma be 16!!!!      wo0t.

<3 in my head its only you know.

coldheart_89 @ 2005-01-16T12:12:00

2005-01-16T18:29:51Z

wow its been a while since my last update.. well sorry about that, i have been uuber busy with school work, not cool.
so uhm.. other thank school- i have been bonding with oh-livi-ah!!- and just hanging out with ma peeps, going to school games- haha cause i am just THAT cool!!.
whatelse.. i uhm get to get my hair done again in a few weeeks- exams are coming up so im basically not going to have a life during that time cause i gotta study, study, study.. this year i actually plan to study so i do kinda good... my exams = French[super simple] - Gym/Health[super easy aswell, and its not really a exam, its just a test next week- so i get the second exam day off to study/hang out] - History[gaah. i hate it, its going to be not too hard tho, and im ready for it so yay.] - then my last exam is Religion[sooo unbeleivably easy.] .. so thats my exam schedual, not too too bad, next semester is going to be hell.. i have not one fun course! but yeah uhm.. thats about it..
so i went ice skating on Friday- super fun, i only fell once.. because of tim and chantal, thanks guys.. so yeeah my knees a bit bruised but imma make it! then saturday i worked on health, haha didnt get very far with it... and today i gotta do some history and some religion.. gahd i dislike school! but yeah im done here..

later duudes and duudettes.

[ my thoughts are so tempting - i dont know how it got so bad ]

dooo them bottth

2005-01-03T21:23:08Z

not a real update so i'll update laterr

taken froom .. ruin_the_day

If you and I were ALONE in my room right now, what would we be doing?
Now post this in YOUR LJ, and see what people wanna do with you.

morbidsilence23

</p>

ew. fuck. nasty. ugh die.

2005-01-02T01:53:36Z

Happy [day after] New Years Everyoone.
*fuck you. great way to start my year. </3

so new years night was fun.. went to a little party type thing ..it was fun..
*you were nice. too bad.

xo, chantalle <3

it was only a kiss..how did it end up like this?

theres always a boy*

2004-12-28T03:22:28Z

ho hum. christmas was good.. i got a bunch of good shat liiike..
- NIRVANA BOX SET!!! fucking right.
- $$ cash money $$
- pjs
- clothing
- web cam
- new blanket for my bed
- this really really nice crystal light
- SHREK BOX SET!! fucking a!
- sims 2 ho yeh motha fucka!!
- and lots more stuff.. twas nice

soo its been pretty busy latly.. like today.. i spent the whole damn day at the mall shopping -- friggen barly bought anything ..it was gay. but me and the lovelay olivia had a wonderfull time!! so it was gay fun. then the weekend was a bunch of fun filled family bonding.. guh. oh well it was fun i guess..
but anyways.. im soo tired.. and i think im spending the rest of the week at my dads house.. meh. kevins supposed to come over on wednesday and maybe sandra too.. so that will be holy fun. buuut yeh im done here.. ill update over the week .yay.

yours truely.

coldheart_89 @ 2004-12-22T23:00:00

2004-12-23T04:00:40Z

HOW TO LOVE A GIRL:

tell her you think that she's cool. tell her why you think she's so cool. smell her. talk to her in movie theatres. pick her up and pretend you're going to throw her in the river, she'll scream and fight you but secretly, she'll love it. hold her hand and skip. hold her hand and run. just hold her hand. pick her flowers out of other people's gardens and give them to her. tell her she looks pretty. let her pay for stuff if she wants to. introduce her to your friends as 'the coolest girl i know'. sit in the park and talk to her. take her to the library and playgrounds and train stations. tell her dirty jokes. tell her stupid jokes. talk about politics. write poems about her. just walk around with her. throw pebbles at her window at night, when she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her. take her to shows of bands she's never heard. hold her hand in the mosh pit. let her fall asleep in your arms. call her. call her back if she calls you. sing to her, no matter how bad you are. carve your names into a tree. get her mad, then kiss her. give her piggy-back rides. give her space if she needs it. push her on swings. stay up with her all night when she's sick. make up pet names for her, but cool ones, not sappy ones. teach her guitar. lend her your cds. write on her. make her mixtapes. write her letters. if she asks you to go to a show with her, go, even it it means a 5 hours road trip. take her to cool shops and let her take you to even cooler ones. listen to all the bands she mentions. dont tell her that her favorite bands suck. when shes sad hang out with her or stay on the phone even if shes not saying anything. buy her ice cream. let her take all the photos of you she wants. look into her eyes. slow dance with her, even if the music is fast. kiss her in the rain. when you fall in love with her, tell her.

why'd you have to go and say that?

2004-12-22T19:07:13Z

hello everybody... so last night i had britts party.. oh it was so wonderfull* we watched a movie.. then everyone just kinda laid on the ground or on couches and just talked to their own little groups.. it was nice..

* you look really p r e t t y tonight ...sigh <33

so today... im supposed to be cleaning, but im just soo damn tired, im soo lazy too.. guh.. maybe i should do my homework.. yeh doubt it!! so anyways.. tomorrow im supposed to hang out with kevin and kat.. but who knows if we are.. we all suck at making plans!!

-- becze leaves today.. lucky guy. im so jealous of him cause where hes going.. its nice and warm.. miian.

but thats all for me today.. i think im going to get something done today.. hopefully.

xo, chantalle.

>> im falling for you.. you make me feel so good. i love it. <<

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

web cam whore.

2004-12-19T05:45:01Z

wow so tonight was fun. went to katies for olivias suprise party! it was fantastic because she new about it and and and she was great!! so we were all just hanging out and it was fun stuff.. watched dodgeball.. um had a cake fight which was fun as hell!! then after that me and caitlyn were talking and she made me my wedding dress... - i love caitlyn <3. and olivia <3<3 but anyways.. so it was fun and for once i didnt let her bullshit get to me.. i said fuck it and moved on and had a great time without her. it was so much effing fun!! the cake fight had to be the best part tho.. or the wedding dress made caitlyn ... gay ne!! haha.

and yesterday was fun too.. had basically no school, me and sam just wondered the halls and then me, dave, chantal, sara, and courtney took a bus to the catholic cup and kevin, becze and keenan got on the bus too.. it was a fun bus ride.. so our school lost. fuckers. whatever tho i still had alot of fun.. then after the game olivia came over.. so we watched elf and fell asleep then watched the news which was funny.. then we acted like little web cam whores! haha good times your amazing!! then she left and i just relaxed by myself.. twas nice.

but yeh its been a good weekend, no school till january 3, score.. christmas is on saturday .. YES!! i cant wait!!..

so im outty. peace homies.
-- go shave your vagina!! [haha ollie.]

--- to you : thanks for not showing up to your own suprise party. fuck this shit.

coldheart_89 @ 2004-12-16T23:05:00

2004-12-17T04:05:40Z

i cant do this anymore.

fuck.

so deep that i didnt even scream, fuck me

2004-12-16T00:02:15Z

So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me
Off guard, red handed
Now I'm far from lonely
Asleep I still see you lying next to me
So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me I..

I need something else
Would someone please just give me
Hit me, knock me out
And let me go back to sleep
I can laugh
All I want inside I still am empty
So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me I...

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

I guess, I remember every glance you shot me
Un-harmed, I'm losing weight and some body heat
I squoze so hard
I stopped your heart from beating
So deep that I didn't even scream fuck me, I..

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

And it's all that I've got
Yeah, it's all that I've got
It's all that I've got
It's all that I've got
It's all that I've got!

So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me
So deep that I didn't even scream fuck me

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

And it's all that I've got
Yeah, it's all that I've got

-- go die.
love, chantalle.

so true.

2004-12-12T00:34:46Z

** stolen from .. _____rockon

You ask me what's wrong,
I just smile and say "nothing"
Then I turn around and whisper to myself "everything..."
You lightly grab my shoulder and ask "Are you sure?"
I smile again and say "Yea, Fine"
You say "Okay" and start leaving.
I just want someone who doesn't believe me...

oh how i like him.

coldheart_89 @ 2004-12-11T16:12:00

2004-12-11T21:25:14Z

okay so.. im feeling little bit better.. i have so mane regrets about last night.. fuck. so yeh yesterday was the *winterball* i got ready with the lovely jenny, krystyle and alley.. it was fun... SPARKLES!!! wow it was so fun.. so then we get to the winter ball.. and it was boring for like the first 30 mins.. then it got fun.. i got a dance with him* on the first slow dance.. = ) then the last dance i had the chance to again but i ruined it cause im a screw up like that. fuck fuck. so yeh lots of stuff good and bad happend.. so much emotion. shit fuck. i need to stop swearing.. ive sworn alot in the last little bit. shit fuck c-word. but im done here..

- i had boobs. [haha]

I KNOW: that he will never be mine.
I WANT: him.
I HAVE: alot of regrets.
I WISH: i could be with you. touch you. kiss you.
I HATE: alot.
I MISS: ...him...
I FEAR: never having someone to call mine.
I HEAR: the tv.
I WONDER: if things will ever go right for me.
I REGRET: a whole lot.
I LOVE: him.
I ACHE: all the time.
I CARE: about things too much. i care about him alot. i care about everything.
I ALWAYS: wish and dream.
I AM NOT: happy.
I SING: when a good songs on or when im happy.
I CRY: alot.
I DO NOT ALWAYS: like myself.
I WRITE: whatever.
I WIN: always.
I LOSE: everything that i want. [i screw things up.]
I CONFUSED: everyone.
I LISTEN: to anything.
I CAN USUALLY BE FOUND: at home or with the friends.
I AM HAPPY ABOUT: nothing.

coldheart_89 @ 2004-12-11T00:08:00

2004-12-11T05:08:12Z

fuck you. fuck it. fuck friends. fuck guys. fuck it all.

do iiiiit...

2004-12-05T17:27:55Z

all you bitchez n hoe'z .. fill this out!!

Name:
Birthday/Age:
Location:
Interesting Fact:
Favorite quality about yourself:
Favorite Quote:
Favorite Movie:
Favorite Song:

Picture of yourself:

broken inside </3

2004-12-05T04:32:06Z

i knew this perfect weekend wouldn't last.

i just wanna scream it all away

</3

even when your a nobody.. ill still love you

2004-12-05T02:12:32Z

oh lala so far this weekend has been a blast!!

Friday --
+ Kevin and Kat came over
+ we talked and talked and talked * whatever is said stays in this room
+ touched kevins "pack" ..on his tummy you sick-o's!!!!

... so they were over till like 11 30 ..then i got ready to sleep and watched One Tree Hill since i missed it on tuesday!
then today called erika.. we hung out.

Today --
- we took a bus to the mall [ saw miss kitty on the bus ]
- watched Shark Tale    *raise the reeth
- there was a crazy baby watching us in the movie
- "micheal doyel!! "    "erika thats not him!! "
- movie ended..
- i tried on dresses for *winterball..    found one!! its so pretty
- we left the mall & erika tried to tan.. yeh that didnt work
- got free krispy kream

so then that adventure was done .. then we started to dance on the sidewalk of a extream busy street.. got back to the mall there was mega drama.. then we came home .. and now im sitting here feeling fat! ugh i feel N*A*S*T*Y!!!!

but yeh.. i think im out for the night..

im weak, its true, im just scared to know the ending
xo,chantalle

coldheart_89 @ 2004-12-01T18:00:00

2004-12-01T23:04:00Z

so nothing intresting has been happening, t'is why ive been posting quizes.. its all been boring.. i had a pre mid life crisis today..   it was stupid, im not sure what to do.        guys confuse me.
gash its all kinda suckky, yet good..    make sense?    well yeh it kinda does, but doesnt..     . shit fuck .
religion was actually fun today..     big surprise!

give me your lips and with one kiss we begin.
chantalle.

p.s-- heres my horescope.. its kinda like a fashion/life horescope.. = ) check it out.

Everyone adores you this week, so take this opportunity to ask out your crush. If shyness is stopping you from getting up the nerve, maybe some glamorous makeup will do the trick. A stroke of glittering gold pencil should catch his eye. Courage under fire: Thursday. Running scared: Sunday.

p.s part 2 -- i have gaydar.

coldheart_89 @ 2004-11-30T16:54:00

2004-11-30T21:59:59Z

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